UNDERSTANDING AND TREATING PREMATURE EJACULATION

If you are reading this page, it is likely that either you or your wife have become upset over the problem of premature ejaculation (PE). PE can create significant problems within the marital union. Often times both the man with PE and his wife cannot openly communicate their personal frustration with PE. Therefore, it becomes an unmentionable item within the marriage. PE can then lead to what is perceived as less sexual interest for both the man and his spouse.

Faced with the knowledge that he will ejaculate before his wife reaches orgasm, the PE sufferer can begin to simply avoid sex. Some couples are unable to discuss the topic of sex or intimacy. Talking about sexual inadequacies is usually more troubling for men than for women. A loving wife can interpret this as rejection, and her self esteem begins to suffer. Pretty soon there can be a sexless marriage.

This does not have to be the case. Most women would find that if a man could learn to control his PE, his normal interest in sex would quickly be restored. The purpose of this article is to discuss some of the available options for men suffering from PE.

Almost every man has experienced PE at some point during his lifetime. It is frustrating if it happens on occasion; however, if it happens every time a man attempts to have intercourse it becomes far worse than frustrating. It becomes devastating. Many women who are in a relationship with a man suffering with PE will be supportive and tell the man that they enjoyed the sex even without having an orgasm. This is probably true from time to time. If it happens every time and a woman can never have an orgasm during intercourse, it becomes a significant burden to the relationship.

If you are able to talk openly and honestly with your mate you will find that the frustration level is very high for both of you because of the PE.  Communicating couples will resort to mutual masturbation, oral sex, sexual toys, or some other method all used so that the woman can achieve orgasm. This kind of communication can save a relationship, but the absolute joy of orgasm for both man and woman during sexual intercourse is very hard to replace. These substitutes are at best just that-- substitutes to a great sexual relationship.

Men will often try to ignore their own body during intercourse. The standard trick is to think of baseball. This has been floating around for decades. Sexual intercourse and the pleasure it provides is not intended to be dialed out. A man should be fully dialed in to his sexual feelings during intercourse. There are better ways for a man to learn to control ejaculation. A good starting point is learning how to recognize when the reflex of ejaculation is about to occur.

You must understand that once the ejaculation phase of sexual arousal is reached, there is no stopping it. Even though getting an erection is voluntary and involves thinking, ejaculation is a reflex and all of the thinking in the world cannot stop it. It is much like when the doctor taps your knee with a reflex hammer. Under no circumstances can you stop your lower leg from springing forward if the doctor hits the right spot.

It is precisely the same with ejaculation. Once the ejaculatory reflex has begun, it cannot be stopped. It is common physiologic knowledge that there are various phases to sexual arousal. These can be found in any book about reproductive physiology. Any man knows that when masturbating he reaches a point at which ejaculation cannot be stopped. Some allude to this as the point of no return. That means once this feeling begins, ejaculation is inevitable. Men have been trying to learn how to control their orgasms for decades if not centuries especially with the emergence of women and the whole area of sexual emancipation. To the men of today it has become even more crucial to be a good lover and a good husband.

Men try many different things to control their orgasms. Probably the thing mentioned most often and the thing that is resorted to most often is the use of alcohol. Alcohol dulls the senses and for many men it reduces how quickly ejaculation occurs. However, why would anyone want to reduce the pleasure and the feelings associated with sexual intercourse? Sexually active people know that an orgasm reverberates through the entire body. Alcohol can sidetrack the thinking and greatly reduce the pleasure associated with sex. So the use of alcohol to delay orgasm is not the best thing upon which to rely.

If a couple can communicate easily one of the best techniques to try is controlled masturbation. The woman masturbates the man until he says stop or he signals to stop. This is the point at which he knows further stimulation will result in ejaculation. Some refer to this as the start/stop method. It is more useful when used with masturbation because it is far too frustrating to the woman to attempt the start and stop method during intercourse. This technique can be practiced frequently, and some men actually begin to benefit. Those who benefit can last longer during sexual intercourse. Masturbating with a lubricant adds sensual pleasure and more closely simulates intercourse so this can be tried also with the start/stop method.

It requires an extremely cooperative and understanding woman to try start/stop with intercourse. She is likely not to experience orgasm with this method of sexual interaction; therefore, it is extremely important that the man learn EXACTLY what pleases his partner the most. Remember that if she does not have an orgasm, she will be frustrated even if she says everything is OK. In order to make sure that she is receiving pleasure requires asking, openly communicating, sharing with complete honesty, and precisely instructing each other in what to do and where to do it.

Another technique for improving a man’s ability to withhold ejaculation is through oral copulation. Many men have an even more difficult time controlling their orgasm if receiving oral sex. Oral sex provides a way for a woman to help a man with PE, and the start/stop method is again used. It is much less frustrating for a woman to stop and start if performing fellatio. Fellatio closely reproduces the feeling of sexual intercourse for a man; yet, it can be stopped quickly.

Trying to start and stop during intercourse can produce poor results because many men ejaculate even when pelvic motion is stopped. Just the union itself with no motion is too sexually stimulating for some men with PE. Therefore many men resort to trying desensitizing creams with anesthetic agents in them. Some men try things that will allow them to maintain an erection after ejaculation like rings that tighten around the base of the shaft of the penis.

The creams or lotions designed to take away penile sensation probably help some men, but who would want the most wonderful sensation known to man to be reduced or taken away altogether? The tight rings that are used to help a man maintain an erection after ejaculating are capitalizing on the fact that the vast majority of men lose their erection quickly after ejaculating. The ring is designed to keep the blood in the penis, thus keeping it erect after climaxing. Some men report that it hurts when you ejaculate with a tight ring around the base of the penis. This is because it can cause significant back pressure when there is very tight pressure around the urethra. When you ejaculate with one of these rings, the ejaculate can actually go backward into the bladder. There is literature that says that is not harmful, but it seems quite unnatural.

Lastly more and more men are leaning toward nutritional supplements to help themselves with their PE. The nutritional approach has become increasingly popular, and there is good science behind why it works. There is no question that certain medications that are only available by prescription can delay orgasm for both men and women. Nutritional supplements are now being designed and made available to men that strive to do the same thing. The method by which prescription medications work is well understood and involves raising a chemical called serotonin. There are nutritional ways to do this that are well understood and supported with excellent science.

The goal of these supplements is to naturally increase the level of serotonin within the body. Serotonin is known to produce a feeling of comfort and well being. It is also known to be able to delay the ejaculatory reflex. Nutritional supplements look like the way of the future for the control of premature ejaculation.